Opening Up Family Courts
Millennium Hotel Mayfair London 30th October
http://www.careandhealth.com
Tammy tells her shocking
story to the conference:-
"In the best interest of the child" that's what the professional's
state, but even the professionals and the family courts can be wrong as they
were in my case.
Let me explain about my birth family, and myself. I am a young adopted
adult; I was taken from my mum nearly 17 years ago on a false allegation, I
was seven months old and sitting in my bouncing chair, my mum had gone into
the kitchen to make me a night feed. I was happily playing with an activity
toy, which I dropped on the floor; I leant forward to reach the toy but the
chair followed me arid tipped forward falling on top of me. I sustained a
bruise on my cheek. And that's where my life was changed forever.
My case was heard within the family court in the years 1989 which lasted
all the way to 1992. I was placed with a set of foster carers whom I stayed
with for 13 months.
Then one-day social services accused the foster carers of suffering from
depression and removed me from their care! I was then placed with three lots
of emergency foster carers before being placed with my pre adopters, who
then became my parents.
While this was happening to me my mum gave birth to my brother Cameron.
One minute after his birth social services (a male) walked into the labour
suite and tried to hand a place and safety order in writing to my mum who
was laid on the bed with no clothes on and she had not even delivered the
placenta. Medical staff asked the social worker to leave on three occasions
eventually the social worker left the labour suite, leaving my mum very
distressed and losing all her dignity.
My mum and Cameron went home to my grandparents where they resided until
the 28th of December 1990. My mum then went to the family court as social
services were trying for an interim care order to remove my brother from her
care. My mum fought and won full parental rights of Cameron and no further
action was taken.
All my mum wanted was to fight for me, she attended many family courts,
which were held in secret and she was not allowed to talk about our case or
me to anyone.
Time passed and Cameron reached the age of 21 months old, when the social
services actually reached a date for my freeing order, which was in the year
of 1992; there were no concerns to Cameron's welfare. She was an excellent
mother to him.
The judge who heard my case made his decision on the basis that social
services had delayed my case for over two and a half years. On reading his
decision to my mum (he stated) "Miss Coulter if I return your daughter home
to you, you will be a stranger to her" and on that decision I was freed for
adoption and my whole future was completely changed.
Finding out that you are adopted is one of the worst feelings in the
world because you feel that all your identity you have known of yourself is
a lie; for example your whole childhood and personality.
I found out through photos that my brother was still with my mum and is
one and a half years younger than me. This was very upsetting and left me
wondering why my mum wanted my brother and not me.
Left with these unanswered questions and feeling very confused; like I
did not belong anywhere I wanted to find the truth, and the answers to my
questions, the only person who could answer them was my mum.
My decision to find my birth family was not supported in the way in which
I would have liked from my adoptive parents. I went about looking for my mum
by first of all ringing support after adoption that told me I must wait
until I am 18 years of age and would not offer me any help or advice. Which
left me more confused and very upset?
In January this year on a Thursday night I received a phone call from my
best friend. She told me to go over to her house, as it was very important.
I had no idea of what I was to be told. Her laptop was placed on her bed and
she told me to read the posting. I was ecstatic as I read the information,
which confirmed that my mum was looking for me as much as I was looking for
her.
My friend who knew as much as I did about my adoption found the posting
when secretly putting my name on GENES REUNITED. I found myself emailing her
my mobile number as I knew the same information which was written in her
posting; which included information that nobody would have known about me.
I waited three and a half hours for the phone call which would change my
whole life, and answer all the unanswered questions which had been
tormenting me since the age of about 11 when I moved to Comprehensive School
where I met many other adopted and fostered children.
Waiting for the phone call was the most exciting and precious time of my
life, the hours seemed like weeks. In the next breath I was actually talking
to my mum on the phone, we spoke for an hour about everything that we could.
We put the phone down and later that evening I rang my mum back and told her
I know it was short notice but could we please meet the following morning
and she agreed to.
Our meeting was very emotional for the both of us, neither of us spoke we
just put our arms around each other and cried together, we held each other
very tight and I cant explain how happy I was feeling.
After many secret meetings I decided to tell my adoptive parents about my
news, I did not tell them for about two months because I knew what their
reaction would be. When I told my mum, as my dad was at work she cried and
turned her back on me making me feel very isolated as if I had done
something wrong. They never did understand why it was important that I find
my birth family nor did they support me at the emotional time. I was keeping
in contact via the Internet with my birth family as my mobile phone was
confiscated; however they also stopped me from using the Internet to stop
any contact, which I was having with my birth family. During this time I was
studying for my AS levels which I failed due to all the stress and
confusion.
The way my adoptive parents were towards my other life caused a huge
conflict in the house making life unbearable at home and at school. I was
eventually turned away from my home due to arguments other than my birth
parents; this is when I phoned my birth mum, as I had nowhere else to turn.
It was too late when I was asked to return to the house I did not want to be
treated like a child nor did I want to my feelings to be ignored any longer,
so I decided to move in with my birth family.
This brings me to why I am here today, I was a child who was wrongfully
removed from the care of my mother and most of all I have had the rights
taken away from me to have enjoyed the right to a family life with my
natural family.
I would like to say I have had a good upbringing by my adoptive parents
and I love them very much, however the complication of my adoption also
ruined my relationship with my adoptive parents, as I only wanted to find
the truth about my life.
I am publicly speaking today on behalf of children and parents who have
also been through the secrecy of family courts and the injustices that have
taken place and do still take place and the devastation of what one decision
that determines the future of a child can cause to a whole family.
Since I have moved in with my birth family I see the relationship between
my mother, brother and sister and cannot help feeling like I have missed out
no matter how much I fit in now. We have all bonded very well, I now feel as
if I fit in somewhere and feel I can be myself as I have found out who I
really am and that my mum never did anything wrong. Over the years Yvonne
has been fighting to prove her innocence and that an injustice has taken
place. I am very angry and also upset that my mum was treated like a
criminal and punished for life on something that she never did, and she had
the right to a family life taken away.
Let me explain to you how I am feeling:
• Confused
• Hurt
• Stripped of my identity
• I missed out on a
relationship with my brothers and sisters, mum and dad and other close
relations
• Exhausted through lies
• I know I am not the only person to have gone through the hell of
secrecy in family courts and hope to have expressed the way in which they
will feel and are feeling at my age.
Changes that I would like to see happen.
1) For medical evidence used in the courts to not be based on
probabilities when determining a child's future, it must be fact.
2) To stop social services making medical diagnoses when not qualified to
do so.
3) For social services when conducting assessments to be thorough and not
based on self-opinions but facts.
4) For an independent body who is impartial to social services to be
brought in when social services are assessing a family and to check they are
following all guide lines of social work.
5) More support for families with whatever reason; a low IQ, a mother
whom has depression, a parent that has suffered domestic violence and also a
parent whom has a disability. More outside agencies should be involved to
help put support packages in place to help families stay together and have
the right to a family life.
6) Slow integration of a child back with its natural family should be
paramount and decisions to take away the child should be the last resort.
For example my mum was told she would be a stranger to me if I were returned
home to her however my foster parents and my adoptive parents were also
strangers.
7) The most important factor of us all being here today is about the
secrecy surrounding the family courts and why they should be opened, you
have all listened to my story and many of you would have read similar
stories to mine in the media. I am of age where I can talk about the
detrimental effects that the secrecy of the family courts has caused to me.
Many of the children who have been taken in the past and are still being
taken do not have a voice.
The opening of the family courts would make it a fairer, non judgmental
and a more impartial system which would help children that are left in the
hands of abuser's and would also work by stopping children from being
wrongfully removed and injustices from taking place.
So please when considering the opening of the family courts take into
account that we are all human and we have feelings and the way in which the
courts have been working up to this day has been inhumane in many cases and
human rights have been exploited.
The detrimental emotional effects and the separation, has on children
torn apart from their birth families, lasts a life time.
Tammy's Speech also available
here...Derbyshire
Evening Telegraph
